Story Summary:
When Theodred's true love comes to Edoras in
mourning, Eomer must deal with his own desires towards her. As her need
for his comfort increases, she must decide what role he will play in
her future. She betrays him with a lie that will change his life
forever but he must forgive her or sacrifice his happiness.
Warning: explicit consensual sex
Chapter Ten
Kiss Me Goodbye
When Amrun could cry no more, she went back to the library feeling cold
and empty. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were sitting and talking with
Elrohir. They smiled when she first entered the room but seeing her
eyes swollen and red from crying, they grew somber. Elladan had just
arrived and had been told what had happened. Amrun picked up Thengel
and left them without a word.
Elladan called to her and she stopped. He gently pulled her into a
tight embrace, being careful of Thengel. When he pulled away, he looked
down at her and said, “Amrun, I know you are unhappy now and I wish I
could do something to stop your pain.”
“I deserve it all.” Amrun whispered, eyes full of guilty and sorrow.
“Perhaps you deserve Eomer’s anger, but I have seen your suffering for
all of these years. I know how much this is hurting you now. You made a
mistake and it will cost. Do not let it destroy you.”
“Do I not deserve that as well? Am I even worthy of his forgiveness,
his love? If it were you instead of him, would you forgive me?” she
asked.
Elladan paused for a moment, looking thoughtful, as he turned to gaze upon the nearby waterfall.
“I am a fool to expect he will.” Amrun said, turning away and walking down the path to her cottage.
At home, she rocked Thengel to sleep then put him into his bed. Going
to her room, she removed her dress and pulled her hair down. Dressed in
a sleeping gown, she returned to Thengel’s room and watched him sleep
for a long time. He was sucking his thumb as he always did when he
slept. Feeling overwhelmed by the events of the day, Amrun picked him
up carefully trying not to wake him and carried him to her bed.
As she watched him in his peaceful slumber, her mind was tormented by
the possibilities of what would happen between her and Eomer concerning
Thengel.
Eomer could take Thengel from here whether she wished it or not. Would
anyone stop him if he chose to do so? Perhaps her friends would try to
persuade him not to take him but would anyone risk the consequences of
a confrontation with the King of Rohan? Elrohir and Elladan would not
risk hostilities between Imladris and Rohan to keep Thengel from his
rightful father. In her heart, she knew that they would do what they
could to counsel him against taking him but she would not allow anyone
to suffer for her inability to come to terms with her situation.
Thengel was Eomer’s son. She had been wrong to keep them apart. She
must now convince Eomer to do what was best for his son, not for
himself.
Even as she thought it, she realized she no longer knew what was best
for him. Seeing how hurt and angry Eomer was about being kept from
their child, she knew he would ever let him be mistreated in Rohan. But
he could not control the hearts of the Rohirrim and he would not always
be there to protect his son.
Her gaze fell upon Thengel and she thought of Theodred. He had also
been a Prince of Rohan. He had been expected to be the most valiant
warrior and was often sent on the most deadly missions. Was it wrong
for her to not want this life for her son? She did not wish to see her
son die as Theodred or Theoden had, fighting the battles of Men.
But Thengel was Man as much as he was Elf. Although she was loath to
admit it, she had chosen to ignore that part of him; the part that
scared her. She did not wish him to be a mortal Man. Her heart ached
with the thought that someday he might want to fight for his people,
the people of Rohan, and she would watch him go to war. Though the fall
of Sauron had stopped the ceaseless fighting in Middle-earth, there
were still battles fought and warriors still died.
Yet even Elves went to war and died. She was a fool to think she could
protect him from all that could possibly happen to him, whether he
lived as a Man or an Elf. He would not simply stay with her here in
Imladris until they sailed to Aman. Was she protecting him here or
denying him what he rightfully deserved? He should know his heritage.
She did not wish him to be like Aragorn had once been, hiding in the
shadows from his destiny.
As much as she loved Eomer, she had come to think of him as the King of
Rohan, an impersonal ruler of a land full of sad memories. It was
easier for her to disregard the rights of this king than it was for her
to think of the man she loved and his feelings for Thengel or his son’s
feelings for him.
She wanted to protect Thengel but she was no longer certain. Now that
Eomer was aware of Thengel and wanted his son with him, she worried
about the pain it would cause her child if she tried to keep him away
from his own father, even if it would prevent him from being mistreated
by the people of Rohan. Which pain was worse for him to bear?
She began to sob, confused. By protecting Thengel she might have hurt
him worse and, if she made another mistake, she could ruin his life. It
was too much for her to bear to think about and she cried until she was
completely exhausted. She fell asleep watching Thengel and stroking his
hair, comforted by his presence.
The next morning she awoke from a restless sleep, disheartened and
conflicted. Distracting herself with her everyday routine, she dressed
Thengel as he chattered happily. She smiled when he ran to his bedroom
looking for some treasure he had misplaced and began to ransack his
things looking for it.
There was a soft knock at the door and, opening it, she saw Éomer. Her
heart leapt to her throat. He barely looked at her as he said, “I want
to spend the day with Thengel. We were going to go to the lake to swim.
Aragorn will be there as well. Does he swim?”
“Some.” she said softly, feeling ill at ease.
“I will hold him just in case. May I take him?” Although he asked, she
felt it was not a question. He looked at her finally and she could see
only anger in his eyes.
She hesitated, torn. She wanted him to spend time with their son and
knew they needed that time, but was frightened he would consider
leaving as he had last night. His anger merely added to her discomfort.
“And you would bring him back…” she paused. “This afternoon?”
He looked slightly less angry and responded, “Yes, I am sure he will be tired and hungry. I will return with him then.”
“Yes, he may go with you, but I need to feed him breakfast. Will you return shortly so that I may?” she asked.
“I am going to eat with the twins and will take him with me,” he replied quickly.
She nodded and went to get Thengel. She told him to speak in only common tongue and he nodded as he looked at her curiously.
When he saw Éomer, Thengel smiled and leaning over to kiss his mother, he asked, “Who is that Nana?”
Éomer’s eyes met hers and she replied, “He is your father, Thengel.”
Thengel smiled and said “Ada?” Amrun nodded, tears in her eyes.
He turned to study Éomer intently. Finally, he asked, “Do you have a sword?”
Éomer smiled and nodded.
“Can I ride your horse? Naneth will not allow me to ride with my uncles
but she would let me ride with you.” He gave Éomer a huge smile and
Éomer could not help but laugh.
Reaching for the boy, Eomer said “Let us go swimming today and perhaps
we can talk your mother into allowing you to ride a horse another day.”
Thengel squealed.
“Namarie!” he cried as he waved at his mother.
Amrun looked at him sternly and said “Thengel. No Elvish.”
Thengel gasped and covered his mouth, which made her laugh. “I am sorry! Goodbye, Nana!”
Amrun smiled and Éomer looked at her.
“Thank you,” he said and she nodded.
As they were walking away, Amrun heard Thengel chattering about horses.
He was over any shyness with Éomer already. She watched him feeling
like the sword in her heart had just been twisted. Despite all of her
reservations and concerns about Thengel’s treatment by the Rohirrim,
the sight of him with Eomer overwhelmed her with the desire for the
three of them to be a family. The two of them were so beautiful
together, her heart ached with the love she felt for both of them.
Shame and guilt also washed over her.
Returning inside, she shut the door. Going to her room, she lay down
and stared at the ceiling trying not to cry again until she heard
another knock. She took a deep breath and, blinking back tears, wiped
away the one stray tear that had fallen. Opening the door, she saw
Aragorn. She bowed her head quickly for he was a king even if he was
her friend as well.
“Amrun…” She raised her head and he held his hand up as if to say there was no need for the formalities. She relaxed somewhat.
“May I come in?” he asked.
Amrun nodded and moved out of the doorway. Aragorn entered and they both sat down in her small common room.
“I thought you were going to the lake to swim with Eomer and Thengel,” she said.
“I am, but I wanted to speak with you first.”
Amrun nodded and Aragorn looked down at his hands for a minute.
“This is not my place but I seek to give you some council.” He paused
and then looked at her. “You have hurt Eomer deeply, yet he still loves
you. I see now that you love him as well.” She nodded. “Give him time.
We are here for many weeks. Allow him to begin to know Thengel and
perhaps ease the pain in his heart. He will realize that you made a
poor choice out of love for him. Your son is what is most important
right now. Eomer needs to know his son and his son needs to know him.”
Looking at her sternly, Aragorn said, “But Amrun, do not think that a
man, even a king could not marry an elf. Arwen would correct you
quickly.”
“But …”
“Do not hide behind your immortality and tell me it cannot be. We both
know differently. I know it will cause you pain when he is gone. I know
how long that pain will haunt you, but you love him now, so is it not
too late to avoid that pain? You will feel the pain of his passing
whether you were his widow or not. Would you not prefer to spend many
years with him, or spend a lifetime in love with a memory?”
When she lowered her eyes, unable to face him, Aragorn stood up and
walked to the door. Turning back, he said, “Perhaps the question is
Amrun, do you love him enough to risk that pain?” Aragorn left her more
confused and upset than before.
Amrun knew what he said was true. She had been foolish to fall in love
with a mortal man and now she must accept his mortality. She could not
run from him for fear of his death. There were no promises when it came
to love. Only regrets if you walked away from it.
Frustrated with the thoughts running through her mind, she decided to
go for a walk to perhaps think more clearly. She came upon Legolas and
smiled. He walked beside her for a long time with neither of them
speaking.
Turning to her, Legolas said, “I saw Thengel this morning eating with Éomer. He said they were going swimming.”
“Yes, they are.”
“Thengel is a wonderful child, very witty and smart. He already seems
attached to Éomer. He was calling him Ada, even though he was speaking
in common tongue most of the time. Finally, Éomer asked me what he
meant. When I told him, he appeared very touched. When they left,
Thengel was begging to go play with his horse.”
Amrun smiled. “I feel I have no choice but to let him ride a horse now.”
“His father is the King of Rohan, Home of the Horse Lords. I think it
would be safe to say you will have to allow that very quickly.” Legolas
said smiling. “They have so many horses in that country that for every
occasion, Eomer sends horses as gifts. I cannot imagine how many horses
he would give his own son.”
Amrun laughed and said, “You are probably right.”
Once again they fell into silence. She enjoyed being with Legolas
because she did not feel uncomfortable during long periods of silence
between the two of them. Like her, he did not engage in idle
conversation. She looked towards the stables when she heard loud
laughter.
Thengel was petting Éomer’s horse and giggling. Amrun stopped and
watched wondering if Éomer would go against her wishes. When Aragorn
came out of the stables, Éomer said something to Thengel and her son
waved at the horse. The two of them followed Aragorn down the walkway
to the lake. She smiled knowing that he had done as she wished. She
walked with Legolas for a long time then sat in the gazebo. They would
speak occasionally about various things but mostly they were quiet,
lost in their own thoughts.
Elladan, Elrohir, and Gimli came down the walkway. Gimli was
complaining about stubborn elves. When they stopped to talk to the two
of them, Elrohir bent over and kissing her on the cheek said, “I am
sorry about what I said last night. I hope you feel better this
morning.”
Amrun shook her head and he stroked her hair looking at her sadly.
Elladan came and sat beside her, taking her hand and squeezing it.
“Good strong boy you have there.” Gimli said with a smile. “He will be
a good warrior one day. He would be a better warrior if you took him
away from these elves.”
Amrun laughed as Legolas elbowed Gimli and the brothers glared at him.
She sat and listened to them talk then she went for a walk alone. She
came to a quiet spot and sat down on the ground with her back against a
tree. She was there for a while when she saw Thengel, Éomer, and
Aragorn walk by. They were laughing and their hair was still wet from
swimming. When he saw her, Thengel began to squirm away from Éomer. As
soon as his feet hit the ground, he ran and threw himself into her arms
drenching her.
Smiling at her, Éomer said “I forgot to bring some dry clothes for him.”
Amrun’s heart raced when he smiled at her. She smiled back at him and said, “So I see.”
Thengel then began to tell her everything they had done that day.
Jumping up and down on her lap, he begged to go ride the horse. She
looked up at Éomer and said “This is not a battle I can win is it?”
Eomer shook his head and said, “He is the Prince of Rohan. He will have
to begin riding at some point. You do not want him to be afraid of
horses.” Her heart skipped a beat when he called Thengel Prince of
Rohan.
Watching Thengel’s face, she asked, “Will you promise to do everything
that you are told and behave?” Thengal looked at her solemnly and
nodded his head.
Glancing up at Éomer, she said, “Are you sure this is safe?”
“I will look after him.”
She looked back at Thengel and he looked at her with big eyes and said, “Please. I will behave. I promise.”
“Yes, you can ride the horse.” He squealed and ran to Éomer. “Wait! You need dry clothes.” Amrun said laughing.
They all walked back to the cottage, the two of them silent as Thengel
talked excitedly about the horses. After he was dressed in dry clothes,
she brought Thengel back into the main room. Thengel ran to Éomer and
climbed in his lap.
Not wanting them to leave yet, she asked if they were hungry. Thengel
started whining for them to eat after riding the horse. Éomer stood
saying, “We will wait. I think we are supposed to be dining with
Elrohir and Elladan tonight. Will you be there?”
“I was not sure if you would want me there,” she said honestly.
Glancing down at Thengel who was tugging on him to hurry, he said, “I
am not going to tell you where you are allowed to go. This is your
home, not mine.” His gaze resting on her, he said, “But it might be
best for Thengel if we were both there together.”
Amrun nodded. Bending over, she grabbed her son and squeezed him.
“Give me a kiss, Thengel.” Amrun said as she picked him up. Thengel
kissed her and she said, “Remember you promised to behave and do as you
are told.” He nodded and she kissed him again then handed him to Éomer.
As they were leaving, Thengel said to Éomer, “You did not kiss Nana
goodbye. You are always supposed to kiss her goodbye when you leave.”
Eomer paused. Not wanting to upset his son, he turned to her and bent down, brushing her lips lightly with his own.
For a moment, she thought about pulling him to her for another, deeper
kiss but she knew he only kissed her for Thengel’s sake so she did not.
When they returned later, she told Éomer that Thengel needed to take a
nap or he would be petulant for the remainder of the day. Eomer carried
Thengel to his room and put him in his bed. He hugged him goodbye
before left.
Thengel said “Namarie, Ada.”
Éomer smiled and said “Namarie, Thengel.”
Walking by Amrun, he asked, “Namarie means goodbye right?” She nodded.
Amrun followed him to the door and when he was leaving, he stopped and turned to her.
“Thank you for letting me spend the day with him. He is wonderful, fun to be with, and very spirited.”
Amrun was quiet and he turned back to leave. Taking a deep breath, she said “Éomer.”
When Eomer stopped and turned around, she said nervously, “Do you not
remember? You are supposed to kiss me goodbye with you leave.”
Eomer paused, appeared to think about it and then approached her.
Bending down, he gave her a light but lingering kiss. Pulling away, he
whispered, “Namarie” and left.
Amrun closed the door and leaned against it, smiling. She touched her
lips for a moment sighing. It was a small gesture, but perhaps it was a
new beginning for them.