Alassante's Fiction

Story Summary:

Chapter 8

Steps Through Grieving

“I see you are still getting yourself into trouble.”

She looked up and Éowyn was there. She started crying as soon as she saw her friend and Éowyn made the jailer open the cell. She came in and hugged her while she cried.

When she finally stopped, Éowyn said “I was worried about you when you left and I have heard you have had a rough time since you left. I wish we could have talked you into staying.”

“No, then I would have never met Boromir.” Lillianna said as she sniffled.

Rubbing her stomach, Éowyn said “Yes Faramir has told me a lot about Boromir and talked of you as well. I never knew you were the Lily I had known until Éomer told me today. I am sorry about Boromir. He sounds like he was a good man.”

Nodding, Lillianna couldn’t speak for a long time. “We were very happy for four years. It was not long enough though. I would trade anything to have him back.”

“Yes this war has caused us all to lose much.” Éowyn said looking down.

“I assume since Éomer is King that you have lost Theoden and Theodred.”

Éowyn nodded. “We lost Theodred many months back and lost my uncle at Pelennor Field. The Witch King of Angmar killed him.”

“I am very sorry.” Lilianna said holding her hand. Éowyn nodded then smiled.

“I heard you tried to kill Denethor.”

“Yes, I wish I had been more successful but at least now he is dead. I hope he suffered.”

“Do you not know?” Éowyn asked surprised.

“Know what?”

Éowyn told her about what happened with Faramir and Denethor. Lillianna cried for a long time.

“I am glad that Boromir was not alive to see what his father did to Faramir. I just wish I could have killed him and saved Faramir the pain. How do you recover mentally when your own father does something like that?”

“He has been doing well. Gandalf says that even though he tried to burn Faramir alive it was because he was insane enough to think he was dead. Apparently he was very upset by his death.”

“I am glad Faramir has you at least. Boromir and I always prayed he would find love. He is such a good man, Éowyn. He will make you very happy.” Lillianna said.

She thought back to her wedding and smiled at the memory.

“You too will find happiness again.” Éowyn said squeezing her hand. “I must go now because they said I could only stay for a little while. I will be back tomorrow and I heard that Éomer and Faramir plan to come see you as well.” Hugging her friend, she said, “I am glad to have you back, Lillianna.”

After Éowyn left, she lay down to take a nap and woke up when Faramir came to her. The week she was there was full of visits from Faramir, Éowyn, and sometimes Éomer. When she finally was released, Faramir took her to Boromir’s chambers but she couldn’t go in. He took her to the guest chambers near Éowyn. Éowyn arranged for clothes for her.

The first night she was out, she was invited to dinner with the King and his guests. She tried to decline but Faramir and Éowyn insisted. Éomer showed up at her door and escorted her to dinner. Before dinner, everyone was sitting around drinking and talking. Faramir introduced her to Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, and the four hobbits. She thought Legolas and Gimli with very sweet with their words of fondness for Boromir. She found Frodo very cool to her and Sam as well. Merry and Pippin were very kind to her telling her that Boromir saved their lives.

She smiled and said, “That sounds like him.”

Gandalf was also very kind to her.

When she at last saw Aragorn again, he came over to her and smiled “At least this time we are meeting under better circumstances.”

“Yes. Much better. Thank you for inviting me.”

“I am honored you are here. I see that Boromir married one of the prettiest women in Gondor.” He said with a smile.

She blushed and smiled. “Thank you.” She had such sadness about her, he wanted to reach out and hug her but he knew he didn’t know her well enough to do that. At last she looked at him and said, “Faramir tells me you were with my husband when he died.”

He nodded and said, “I am very sorry. Your husband was an honorable man and I was very sorry when we lost him.”

She sat there and thought about it for a minute then she said, “How did he die?”

He paused at her bluntness. He was not even sure he should tell her and he was shocked she would ask so soon. “Why do we not talk about this some other time? I do not want you to think of sad things tonight. Enjoy tonight and worry about this another time.” He saw her face and said softly “Knowing how will not help you stop hurting. It will not make it any easier or make more sense of why things like this happen. Think about the fact that it will not help heal your heart and if you still want to know if a few days, come to me and we will talk about it.” She nodded quietly.

Aragorn studied her throughout dinner and felt sad that she was so withdrawn and sad. According to Faramir, she was a spunky, vivacious woman at one time and he had never seen two people more in love than her and Boromir. Even Éowyn and Éomer were shocked by her withdrawn quietness based on how she was as a child. He had seen some of the spunk when she was before him in the throne room. But she was nothing like Faramir described her. He imagined it was very hard for her. To have to hide their marriage for so long then to lose him while she was pregnant. He had wondered often why Boromir seemed lonely and withdrawn at times. He assumed it was because of the mission but now he wondered if it was because of her. He felt guilty for Boromir’s death. Meeting her made those feelings worse.

Lillianna tried to enjoy dinner but she found herself the silent observer through most of it. Both Éowyn and Faramir were trying to include her as much as possible. Éomer was teasing her quite often but she never really rose to the bait so he was having a difficult time. She felt Faramir’s eyes on her frequently and knew he was concerned. Finally she grew tired of the scrutiny and excused herself saying that she was tired because of the baby. Éomer offered to walk her back and she declined saying she would be fine. She walked back to her room then past it deciding to see her old house. Faramir said it had been damaged but she wanted to see it.

Even though she was tired, she walked down to the house and was shocked when she saw it. It had obviously been hit by something thrown with a catapult because it was virtually destroyed. The whole end of the house, which had the sitting room, was completely gone. Carefully looking inside she saw that their bed had been destroyed as well only leaving the wall where their clothes and things had been stored still standing. Seeing their bed demolished was what put her over the edge. She had nothing left of her former life. Not her husband, not her house, not even the bed they had slept in. Holding her stomach, she walked back to the upper level and stopped when she went by Boromir’s chambers. Faramir had said their belongings were there. Going in, she left the door open by accident. She walked into the bedroom and there were boxes everywhere. She looked through some of the large boxes and found one that had her jewelry bos in it. Boromir loved to bring her jewelry so she had quite a bit. She laid it on the bed intending to take it with her. None of her clothes would fit so she left them. She took a couple of Boromir’s shirts just so she would have something of his. She had often slept in his shirts when she missed him. Some of them still smelled of him and it made her feel comforted.

Lillianna came across a smaller box and when she opened it she realized it was her wedding dress. Running her hands over the beads, she began to cry remembering how happy she was that night. She cried until she could cry no more. Drying her tears on one of Boromir’s shirts, she began to gather the few things she wanted for now. She heard someone come in and looked up to see Faramir. He looked at her curiously then saw what she was doing.

“Why did you not wait until I could help you with this?” He asked softly.

“Most of these things I do not want right now, anyway. I just wanted to get the few things I wanted for now. I cannot wear any of my old clothes so there is no point taking them. Unless Aragorn wants these rooms for someone else.”

“No, I think he thought you planned to move here as did I.”

She looked around and shook her head. “No, there is no place for me here. I do not know where I will go. My house is destroyed. My husband is gone. I have nothing left anymore.” She said sadly.

“Do not talk that way. You have your friends and you have me. You will have your baby soon.” He said coming over to her.

“I look at you and I think of how close we all were. And when I think about the baby, I remember how much he wanted a child and I never even told him we were having one.” She sighed. “Sometimes it does not even seem worth it to get out of bed.”

“Boromir would not want you to feel like this. He would want you to be happy.” Faramir said pulling her chin to face him.

Looking away, she said, “Well I did not want him to die so he lost his right to tell me how to feel when he did.” She felt a rush of anger overwhelm her and was stunned by it. “I begged him not to go, Faramir. Doing what your father wanted meant more to him than me. I mean we hid our marriage for four years because of your father. Then he leaves when I beg him to stay because of your father. Look where it got him.”

“Nothing meant more to him than you. If you had demanded he do it, he would have told father about your marriage. I think he knew deep down that you preferred him not to know because of what it would mean for you and what would become of your relationship with him if he did tell father.”

“I know one thing that meant more to him than me.” She paused. “Gondor.” She said taking her stuff and leaving the room.

She did not stop until she reached her room. Throwing everything down, she went and stood on the balcony. She was furious and she could not seem to get a hold of her rage. She was so angry with him for leaving her, for dying. He never should have been in Rivendell and he never should have volunteered for the Fellowship. Feeling like she was going insane, she decided to go to lay down and try to go to sleep. She was exhausted from all of the stress and crying.