Alassante's Fiction

Story Summary: 

When Theodred's true love comes to Edoras in mourning, Eomer must deal with his own desires towards her. As her need for his comfort increases, she must decide what role he will play in her future. She betrays him with a lie that will change his life forever but he must forgive her or sacrifice his happiness.
 

Warning: explicit consensual sex

Chapter Fifteen

Choices

Amrun awoke the next morning feeling drained. It was before dawn, but she had slept fitfully all night and now was too restless to continue to lie in bed. Quietly she slipped out of the guest room and went to Thengel’s room. She smiled, seeing him curled up and so peaceful.

‘At least one of us is happy here,’ Amrun thought to herself, tears welling in her eyes.

Deciding she needed some fresh air, she walked into her room and dressed without a sound. She barely looked at Éomer, only assuring herself that he was indeed still asleep. After she was dressed, she walked down the hallways to the porch that ran along the front of Meduseld.

Dawn was just breaking. She sat on the steps and watched the world begin to awaken again, the sky changing colors as the sun rose to lighten the plains of Edoras. To her it seemed unreal that this same sun rose over Imladris. She missed the magical beauty of her former home. Rohan was nothing more than bad memories and she felt it was cold and unfriendly to her. She knew that despite the warm welcome from the crowd the night before, she was an outsider here and always would be. Someday, Thengel would become part of this place at least, she hoped. After all, he was part Rohirrim. They were bound to accept him eventually, if not right away. But they loved their king immensely. Therefore, their affection for his son, the heir to the throne of Rohan, would grow. Amrun knew she should feel some pride that her son would be the future king of Rohan and that she was the queen, but she felt only emptiness--a sense of being alone amongst a crowd of people. To make matters worse, she now knew that Éomer only married her to be with his son.

Forcing back tears again, Amrun rose and began to walk down the stairs. Sensing someone behind her, she turned around quickly and saw one of the guards that had been at the entrance to the great hall. He was a young man, barely out of his teens and he seemed unsure of himself.

Amrun tilted her head to one side before asking, “Are you following me?”

“Yes, my queen,” he bowed his head.

“Please. Call me Amrun,” she smiled gently.

Looking uncertain, he answered, “As you request, my…forgive me, lady Amrun.”

She struggled not to groan at his continued use of titles and supposed she should be grateful for any concession. Besides, it was not his form of address that concerned her most at the moment. “I am just going for a walk, so there is no need to follow me,” Amrun explained.

Without waiting for a response, she once again began to descend the stairs. She had not gone far before she heard two people now following her. Annoyed, she turned around to see the young man with another, one she had seen quite often with Éomer in his councils, although she could not remember his name.

“Is there a problem?” she asked the older man. “I am simply trying to go for a walk and this young man seems insistent on following me.”

“Deonvan is merely doing his duty, Queen Amrun,” the man explained. Turning to the young man, he said, “Deonvan, please return to your post. I will handle this matter.”

“Yes, Lord Gamling,” Deonvan said. Bowing to Amrun, he rushed back up the steps to stand by the door.

Amrun bristled at being referred to as a matter that needed to be handled and took a deep breath, trying to force herself to remain calm. She was already feeling quite unsettled. This situation was only making things worse for her mindset.

When she felt she could speak calmly, she nodded to Gamling and said, “My gratitude, Lord Gamling. I am not used to being treated as if I were a child unable to be allowed to walk about on my own.” As she began to resume her walk, he cleared his throat and she looked at him in frustration. “Yes?”

“Forgive me, Queen Amrun, but I will need to accompany you on your walk if you intend to leave Meduseld.”

Looking at him incredulously, Amrun asked, “Are you saying that the queen is not allowed to walk unaccompanied within this city?”

“My apologies for the inconvenience, but that is correct. We have our orders and it is in your best interest that you are protected at all times when the king is not with you,” Gamling said, watching the fire in her eyes. He felt pity for her in some ways. She obviously had no desire to be in her current role as queen, that was apparent, and he regretted thinking earlier that she had married Éomer for the title alone.

Amrun was torn between giving him a scathing retort or stomping up the steps into Meduseld and telling Éomer that he would not tell her where she could go.

“As your queen, my orders are to be left alone right now,” she said coldly, deciding to handle the matter on their terms.

“Once again, forgive me, my queen. But King Éomer’s orders were clear. You are not to be left unprotected in the village. As I said, it is only for your safety,” Gamling reassured her. “And his orders supercede your own.”

Amrun wanted to scream at the man, but she knew it was not his fault so she held her tongue. Finally in frustration, she turned and walked away quickly. He continued to follow her, but kept his distance somewhat and she felt slightly appeased by his effort. It did not stop her from feeling like a prisoner however, and if she could have, she probably would have taken a horse to ride back to Rivendell with her son that instant. Angry tears burned her eyes, but she would not allow any of these men to see her cry, proving to them that she was a weak and overly emotional person. That was the last thing she needed now. Without even thinking, she walked down to where Theodred was buried.

When she realized where she was, Amrun stopped in shock. Glancing back at Gamling, she saw him look away into the distance. She lowered her head and took a shaky breath before she looked at the tombs before her. Overwhelmed with sorrow, she saw the tomb of King Theoden and stepped forward to trace the inscription on the stone. It was in Rohirric, so she did not know what it said. Walking a few feet away, she picked some wildflowers and laid some on each of the graves.

Tears slid down her face as she sang a song that she had heard her mother sing throughout her childhood.

Ulúlië, Envinyanta i arda.

Rossëo patië upústië, Ar nén lastanyë anurro, I vista quanta wénwa, Quanta cuileva.

Aurë síla terë lumbor, Linqui lassi mirilyar, Ar cénanyë laurëa cálenen Lóteli apalo.

Ar sinta lúmen Nyérenya hautëa, Órenya séressë.

Ulúlië...

When she finished singing, Amrun realized she was no longer alone. She wiped away the tears quickly and looked up to find Éomer watching her, his eyes reflecting a mixture of sorrow and anger.

“A lament for your love?” he asked angrily.

“What?” Amrun asked stunned. Looking at the graves before her, she realized what he meant, but before she could answer him, he spoke again.

“You wish Theodred had lived and become king, do you not? That he had lived to become your husband and your lover?”

“No!” she cried. “I mean, yes, of course I wish he had lived. But I do not wish…”

“Amrun, look me in the eyes and tell me you do not regret that I lived and he died,” Éomer said, pulling her arm so she stood before him.

Now angry, she glared at him. “How dare you ask that of me? Have I not proved to you my feelings? I left the home that I loved, people who cared for me, everything I was, to become your wife, your queen. I no longer exist as anything but your wife, Rohan’s queen, and the mother of her prince. I cannot walk freely about without your permission or your men following me. I am only a title, not a person with a name. I live for the approval of this city and I no longer care anymore if I gain it. I will sit in my rooms like the prisoner I am until I fade away to nothingness when Thengel no longer needs his mother.”

Éomer felt a surge of guilt wash over him and he pulled her into his arms. “Amrun, you are not a prisoner and you are more than these titles you have been given.”

When she would not relax in his arms, he sighed. Holding her hand, he said, “Come with me.”

“No, I…” she began but he cut her off with a severe frown.

”Amrun, you have no choice. Either you come with me willingly or I pick you up and carry you to my horse and you will be forced to leave in a most unpleasant manner,” Éomer warned, walking a few steps towards Firefoot, who stood patiently waiting near the gates. He stopped when she did not follow him.

“You would not dare,” Amrun said, attempting to pull away from him.

Grasping her hand a little tighter, Éomer grinned and said, “Do you doubt me? I do not give idle threats, my love.”

Fearing he would do what he was threatening to do, Amrun conceded and followed him to Firefoot, allowing him to help her to mount. When he climbed up behind her, she asked, “Éomer, where are you taking me? Thengel will soon be awake and I need to…”

“I am taking you from Edoras until tomorrow. Éowyn and Arwen are caring for Thengel. Besides, Éowyn wanted more time to get to know her nephew. But do not worry. Legolas will be there as well if he gets scared around our new guests and I explained to Thengel that we will return tomorrow.”

“But…”

“No, Amrun. No more arguing,” Éomer said kicking his heels into Firefoot’s side and encouraging him into a quick gallop that would not allow for much discussion.

Amrun’s terror over the horse tearing across the plains kept her attention diverted from any more worries. By the time an hour had passed, she was completely exhausted and tense. Éomer slowed down the horse as they entered the forest and she relaxed against his chest. He smiled when her hair brushed against his face, intoxicated by her scent and closeness.

Éomer realized that he should have brought her here before ever coming to Edoras, but he had not known how hard it would be for her to adjust. He had grown up in Meduseld, nephew to the king, so nothing seemed unusual to him. Amrun had been raised away from people most of her life and when she was exposed to the rest of the world, she had retreated to Rivendell, a peaceful place where she could be quiet and reserved without interference. He hoped his surprise for her would sooth some of her fears of her place in his heart.

~~*~~

Amrun was so tired that she had fallen asleep to the sounds of the horse’s soft footfalls on the forest ground. Continuing to keep his arms tightly around her, Éomer guided the horse through the trees looking for the path he needed. He was pleased she was asleep. Otherwise, she would have known long before they arrived where they were going.

A few moments after he found the path, she woke up with a start when the horse stopped moving.

Taking in the sight before her, tears filled her eyes and she glanced at Éomer, speechless. He dismounted and reached up to help her off the horse.

“Éomer, it looks like I just left yesterday,” Amrun exclaimed in surprise.

Before her was the first home she had ever known. She had lived in the simple cottage with her mother most of her life before meeting Theodred and Éomer so long ago. Amrun was amazed at the pristine condition of the house. The closer she came to it, she realized it had been painted recently, within the last year.

Gazing at him in surprise, she asked, “When…when did you do all of this?”

Smiling at her lovingly, Éomer replied, “When I returned to Edoras after the war, I came here one time. It was in dire need of repairs, so I had some of my men restore it to what it once looked like. I would come here when I needed time away from everyone. It also held special memories for me of the woman I love. I often wished you were here with me.”

Amrun could not help the tears that fell on her face as his words sunk in and she realized her doubts had been unfounded. He had not married her only to be near Thengel—he loved her. She rushed into his arms. “Forgive me for doubting you. I was a fool,” she sobbed.

”We both have been stubborn fools lately, it seems. Forgive me for what I said to you earlier and not telling you about…” Éomer began, but was soon silenced by her fingers gently on his lips.

“No, I can imagine how you felt seeing me by Theodred’s grave. But I was actually saying farewell to your uncle, for I never had the chance to do so before. And the song, it was not a lament…”

Éomer’s kiss interrupted her and she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. Burying his hand in her thick hair, he captured her mouth with hungry urgency, her soft lips parting for his searching tongue. Moaning, he lifted her off her feet into his arms and walked to the door of the cottage. When they reached the door, he struggled with the door handle until she began to laugh.

“Allow me,” Amrun offered, reaching for the handle.

“Wait. I seem to have lost my senses completely. I need to confirm that there have been no intruders,” Éomer said, pulling her behind him and drawing his sword. “Stay here.”

He opened the door and after investigating the cabin, Éomer was gratefully reassured that it had not been found by stray orcs or wildmen. Propping his sword beside the bed, he reached through the doorway and grabbed her hand pulling her inside and into his arms.

Amrun laughed joyfully, and then looked around the cottage, once again amazed that he had remembered everything the way it had been when she had left it. Glancing over at the two single beds that she and her mother had slept in, she smiled at him.

“Perhaps, you should have planned a little better and replaced the beds with one large one,” she laughed.

“No, after I make love to you, you can move to the cold bed so I can sleep undisturbed,” Éomer teased.

Walking away from her, he pushed one of the beds beside the other. “See, there is a simple solution. Now, I need to go retrieve our belongings and take care of Firefoot. Then I will find some firewood. Perhaps you can get some water from the well?”

“I can handle the water. I will even take care of the firewood. Do not forget, I was not always a queen, spoiled and pampered, and I remember how to do a few things like gathering wood.”

“First, another kiss,” Éomer said sweeping her into his arms again.

Amrun boldly kissed him, nibbling on his lip before sucking his tongue into her mouth, causing him to moan deeply. When he finally released her they were both out of breath. Resting his forehead on hers, he asked, “What am I supposed to be doing? I forgot.”

“Firefoot is waiting. You should take care of your horse,” she grinned, and then laughed when he sighed with a frown. “I will take care of you later, my love.”

“You promise?”

Éomer pulled her by the hips to press against him and she felt his straining arousal, causing heat to fill her body. Unable to speak, she simply nodded, her eyes showing her desire as well. After a moment, he reluctantly released her and left the cottage. Amrun shook her head with a smile and walked to the kitchen to find a bucket for retrieving the water.

~~*~~

After gathering wood and water, Amrun picked a few fresh fruits and vegetables that were still growing nearby. Her gardens were long overgrown, but luckily nature had taken care of it’s own and there was food to be found. Éomer had offered to go hunting later, but she did not want him to spend all day looking for food. Instead, they were going to go down to the lake and see if they could catch some fish. Amrun was eager to go swimming, so it made sense to fish while they were there.

Hand and hand, they walked through the forest down to the lake. Éomer insisted that she sing for him, which she agreed to on the condition that he would do the same. She sang a few Elvish ballads, but did not know any songs in Westron. Laughing until her sides hurt, she listened to him sing bawdy drinking songs, which he claimed were the only songs he could remember.

“This is why I do not wish to sing. I have not had enough to drink and you are already laughing at me,” Éomer said with a grin, pulling her closer to his side.

“You sang to me that there are many ways a horse is easier to understand than a woman. Is that meant to be met with solemn faces?” Amrun gasped, still laughing.

“I suppose not. I do not remember many solemn faces the previous times I have heard it sung either. There was one time when Theodred…” his voice trailed off and he looked away from her.

“Tell me. I do not mind hearing tales about him, if you do not mind talking about it.”

Éomer turned to her, stopping in the path. Kissing her tenderly, he whispered, “I do not wish to upset you.”

“Éomer, please trust me. A lot of time has passed since his death. I have had time to recover from it,” Amrun reassured him. Concern in her eyes, she asked, “Have you? Have you had time to grieve any of your losses, Éomer?”

“A king does not have time to grieve,” Éomer said, his eyes sad.

“You are a man first. For once, can you stop being the king and just be a man?” she said, resting her head on his chest. Pulling back suddenly, she smiled. “Let us pretend. You can be a simple Rohirrim, a farmer, and I will be an elleth who lives in the woods. We are meeting here for a lovers’ tryst.”

Éomer chuckled and said, “If that is what you wish, beautiful maiden of the woods.”

“Now, simple Rohirrim farmer, tell me these scandalous stories about your cousin, Theodred.”

By the time they reached the lake, Amrun had to sit down to recover from the laughter of Éomer’s lively stories of his adventures with Theodred. It seemed the two of them had done everything possible to earn their horrible reputations of troublemakers and it was a wonder to her that King Theoden or Éowyn had not killed the two of them at one point or another.

“I do not know who to feel more sympathy for, King Theoden or Éowyn,” Amrun said, trying to stop laughing.

“Éowyn deserves it more. King Theoden had his days of misdeeds where Éowyn was most often simply a target of our mischief or the one who tried to defend us to my uncle. My poor sister deserves a lot of sympathy,” Éomer said wistfully. “I miss him.”

Amrun smiled and reached out and stroked his cheek. “I know you do. You two were so close. I cannot imagine what it must have been like for you to lose him and then your uncle so close together.”

“And you,” Éomer added. “I think that is why I did not allow myself to mourn their loss. I was waiting for you to come and make things right.”

“I cannot bring them back, Éomer, no one can. And no matter how much you love Thengel and I, there will always be emptiness in your heart for them, just as there was for your parents. I love Thengel and you more than I thought was ever possible, but I will forever have a place in my heart for my mother and father. I just hope that they were reunited at last,” Amrun said, a sad smile gracing her face.

“Legolas explained to me about the passing of elves one time. Do you think you will see them again one day?” Éomer asked, brushing her hair behind her shoulder.

“I do not know. If I sail to Undying Lands, I suppose I will,” she answered evasively.

“Will you take the ship when I die?” he asked bluntly.

“Éomer, I do not want to talk about this…”

“I need to know. Amrun, please, answer me,” Éomer said turning her face towards his.

“I do not know. My future is too uncertain right now. I cannot think so far ahead.”

“Why? Did you not discuss these things before? Knowing that Thengel is half human, there is always the chance that he could have chosen to stay in Middle earth even when you were ready to depart these lands. Did you not think about it before?” he asked concerned.

”No. To be honest, I never have thought about it. Until a few years ago, I never lived with other elves and so I did not think of these things. The possibility of me sailing to the Undying Lands seemed impossible since I was living by myself in the woods of Rohan. When I went to Rivendell and said farewell to Lord Elrond before he departed, that was the first time I even thought about it. And Thengel was so young, there never seemed to be a time when I felt I needed to make the decision yet. When the time comes, I will know,” Amrun said finally.

“Arwen no longer has the choice. Did you give up…”

“No. Lord Elrond’s and his children were the only elves that will ever have to make the choice whether or not to become mortals. It began in the First Age with their ancestors. The line of Elwing and Earendil were given the choice to be of the Eldar or mortals. If they chose the life of the Eldar as Elrond did, they may sail to the Undying Lands. Arwen chose to live a mortal life and therefore she will not,” Amrun explained.

“And the twins? What was their choice?” Éomer asked.

“They have delayed their choice. I think that they want to remain in Middle earth while Arwen and Aragorn still live. Their grandfather Celeborn remained in Lothlorien and I think it was for the same reason, although I have never asked. I was not forced to make that choice, for I am not half Elven,” Amrun finished quietly, dreading the next question.

“But Thengel is. Will he have the choice to leave Middle earth?”

“By the time he is an adult the last of the elves will be leaving, if not before. If he chose to remain in Rohan, he would not be able to leave later I suppose. And if he marries a human, he will not wish to depart while she and their children remain. Eventually the Eldar blood would be diminished over the generations, like the blood of the Numenor. Soon, there will no longer be Eldar and Numenor; there will simply be the race of Men. When Aragorn, a descendant of Elros the first half elf who chose to become a mortal, and Arwen, the daughter of Elrond, Elros’ brother were married, their child will begin the new race of Men, I imagine,” Amrun mused. “To be honest, I had not really thought much about his decision. He is so young and I…do not know, I thought there was no rush to make a decision of any kind.”

“Amrun, I understand that you wish to live for the moment and that you are overwhelmed by all that has happened so quickly, but we need to discuss this some day. We cannot go back tomorrow with all of this unresolved,” Éomer said, stroking her cheek lightly. He saw the sadness in her eyes and he asked, “What do you want?”

“I do not understand what you mean,” Amrun looked at him confused.

“You talk about my destiny and Thengel’s, but you never will speak about what you want. Certainly you have desires of your own, do you not?”

Amrun was quiet for a long time, staring at the lake. Finally she turned to him and answered, “I do not know. It seems like things in my life happen for a reason and I simply allow them to happen. Is that wrong? I do not know what you want from me to be honest.”

“I want you to be content with the life you have chosen. I do not want you to stop being who you are to become who you think you have to be. I need to know that you have chosen to embrace your destiny, your future with me, rather than just accepted it,” Éomer said. He took her hands in his and brought them to his lips. “You are not merely my lover, Amrun. You are my wife, the mother of my child, and the Queen of Rohan. Just as I had to take the role of king, you must take the role of queen, which seems to be something you are reluctant to do. You must choose to lead.”

“You have lived this life. It is all that you have known. I do not know what is expected of me, how to act, how to…” Amrun stopped in frustration. “I do not know how to be these things you wish me to be. I am so terrified of disappointing you and proving to everyone that they were correct to doubt us. I see Éowyn and Arwen and know that I will never be as noble as they are. I am a simple person and…” Once again she paused, biting her lip. Taking a deep breath, she looked away from him and spoke so softly, he could barely hear her, “I love you, but I think you will grow dissatisfied with me because I am not what a queen should be.”

Éomer didn’t speak, trying not to grow angry that she doubted him so. Her fears were ever present and he did not wish to reinforce them by seeming insensitive to her honest confession.

“Amrun, listen to me,” Éomer said firmly, turning her to face him. “You will only disappoint me, if you continue to doubt me. You will learn what you need to learn to live up to your duties as queen. I will make certain of that. But only you can make the decision if this is what you want. I cannot force you to do something. We will certainly fail if you have so little faith in my love for you, however. Now, tell me honestly, will you embrace your new life or will you continue to wish that things were different?”

He waited patiently as she thought about what he was saying to her. The thought that she would change her mind terrified him, but he would not force her to stay with him in Rohan if that is not what she wanted.

Amrun’s mind was racing. She knew when she married him that he was the king and now she was given another chance to change her mind. She wished with all of her heart that she was not so scared, but she knew that her life was only complete with him.

“I want to be your wife. I am terrified, but I want to make you proud to have me as your queen as well. Éomer, if you will help me do this, I promise that I will accept this responsibility, but I cannot do this alone,” Amrun replied.

Éomer pulled her to him and kissed her deeply, full of love for her. He knew that it would not be easy for her to do this but he also knew that she had more strength and spirit in her than she realized. When he released her lips, she smiled at him and he could see genuine hope in her eyes.

“My beautiful Amrun, you will never be alone as long as I draw breath,” Éomer whispered. He saw a flicker of pain cross her eyes and he sighed. “I know this has been hard for you, my love, but you need to accept the fact that one day I will die. I am mortal. I feel that a part of you continues to deny that you will have to face my death but the day will come. I need to know that you are prepared for it. I cannot live with the fear that you will fade away when I die.”

Tears filled her eyes and she closed them, resting her head on his chest. After a few moments, she looked up at him, “I know there will be a day that you will no longer be part of this world. When that day comes, I will…I will go to Imladris and then sail to the Undying Lands, if I am able. But I cannot bear to think of that day, even though I know it will come. I would rather spend our time together enjoying our love than dwell on what will happen in the future. I know what I must do when the time comes and I will do it, but I refuse to live for that day.”

Éomer nodded and brushed away her tears. Holding her tightly, he felt a vast burden had been lifted from his shoulders at that very moment. He knew that if the twins were still in Middle Earth, they would take care of her but he needed reassurance that she could take care of herself if the day came.

“We have each other and Thengel to make all of this more enjoyable. I think that once you have adapted to Rohan, you will grow to love it as much as I have. And Thengel already has the Rohirrim blood in his veins, so this land, its people, are already part of him,” Éomer smiled.

“Yes. But you do realize that Thengel was blessed more with Eldar traits than he was with Rohirrim. If you had allowed me to raise him in Rivendell, he might not turn into a boorish Man,” she said, rising and giving him a haughty look. “Now that he is living among the Second Born, I have little hope to prevent it.”

“Do you dare speak to the King of Rohan that way?” Éomer said, raising an eyebrow to her.

“No, I speak to a Man that way,” Amrun said trying to remain serious. As he continued to look at her, she finally laughed then ran away before he could grab her.

“See? Another Elven superior trait, we are quicker and lighter of foot,” she laughed at him.

Éomer rose slowly, giving her a menacing look. When he reached for her, she dodged him again, still laughing lightly. The next time he caught her after faking to his left and anticipating her movement to the right.

“You seem to have overestimated your abilities, my lady,” he said giving her a fiery kiss. She relaxed in his muscular arms with a soft moan.

When he finally released her lips, she smiled and said, “No, I allowed you to catch me because I wanted to be held by my devastatingly handsome, human lover.”

Lifting her into his arms, Éomer held her captive, kissing her passionately. Amrun felt overwhelmed with love for him and knew that she had finally found the home she had searched for since her mother’s death. It was not a building or a realm; it was a feeling in her heart. She was at home in his love.



A/N Elvish song from http://www.phy.duke.edu/~trenk/elvish/ululie_en.html

Rain has fallen

Rain has fallen, And the land is renewed.

The tapping of the rain has stopped, And I listen to murmuring water, The air is full of freshness, Full of life.

Daylight shines through dark clouds, Wet leaves glitter, And I see in the golden light Some flowers unfold.

And for a brief time, My grief ceases, My heart is at peace.

Rain has fallen...